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Unrealistic Expectations
By Karen Vally on 19 Aug 2025
When did you last feel upset when something didn't go according to plan? One of the ways in which we try to control life, is by creating expectations. These expectations guide our responses, shape our experiences and assist us in making decisions. But how effectively do we manage these expectations? How often do we pause to evaluate them?
"Expectations are predictions about what will happen in the future. We set expectations based on past experiences, social norms and personal beliefs. But when these predictions are unmet, we experience the uncomfortable gap between what we expected and what actually occurred."
This leads to disappointment, frustration and anxiety and often puts a lot of strain on our personal and professional lives. The key to managing our expectations effectively, is to understand them.
Part of being human is to be naturally optimistic, believing that, if we work hard and want something badly enough, it'll happen. This optimism motivates us, but it can also inflate our expectations. Social media fuels our natural tendency to compare ourselves with others. This conjures up recurring thoughts about what our lives should look like.
In some cultures, much emphasis is placed on the reaching of significant milestones as a sign of success. This creates pressure and may be contrary to a person's personal goals.
One of the most powerful ways in which to manage our expectations, is to visualize our desired outcome and how we would overcome some of the potential challenges that might occur along the way.
We could practise accepting reality as it is, rather than as we would like it to be. Another helpful habit, is to use new information to adjust our expectations. Perhaps the most effective way in which to reduce our "comparison-driven anxiety," would be to decrease the amount of time we spend on social media.
Tatia Garcia, from Calmly Coping, has some helpful tips. She suggests doubling the time we think it will take to complete a task. Secondly, she recommends countering rigidity with self-compassion and kindness. We could also ask ourselves how we would respond to a friend who faced a similar situation. Furthermore, she suggests regular check-ins and a recalibration whenever plans change or "life moves."
Another effective way in which to manage our expectations, is to "interrupt the spiral." We would benefit from pausing to evaluate our progress. Take a step back, she says, take a deep breath, go outside, or better still, go for a walk. Finally, "Focus on what you can control. Focus on your input not on the outcome."
Unrealistic expectations put a strain on our mental and emotional well-being. By understanding them and implementing ways in which to manage them, we could diminish their negative effects and enhance our quality of life.
According to Margarita Tartakovsky, all of us hold unrealistic expectations. She says that we should ask ourselves, "Is this expectation helpful in getting me to where I want to go?" If not, we should release its grip. Focus on current experiences, she says, and create a new set of inspiring beliefs and rules.
Crystal Raypole advocates some self-exploration, appreciating what we have and recalling all our accomplishments. "Know your limits, communicate effectively, keep a flexible mindset and know what you really want," she adds.
How good are you at identifying your own unrealistic expectations?
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