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Closing The Gap
By Karen Vally on 16 Sep 2024
I have been reflecting a lot lately on a universal trait amongst all human beings, our tendency to "get in our own way." My coach calls it a blind spot. I remember hearing the term from my driving instructor while I was learning to drive, but I had never heard it used to describe an aspect of human behaviour.
"Self-sabotage happens in small, almost undetectable moments".
We usually know what we want, but often struggle with how to achieve it, because we are socially conditioned to do things for, and by ourselves. This often results in disappointment, despondency and discomfort. Once we know what to expect when we embark on improving some aspect of ourselves or our lives, it makes it easier to prepare for that change and to find someone suitable to support us, during our journey.
"Think of your life as three buckets. The first bucket is called Vitality, and it's about the state of your mind and body. The second is Connection, this one is about relationships. The third, Contribution, is about how you contribute to the world. The fuller your buckets, the better your life...if any single bucket runs dry, you feel pain. If two go empty, a world of hurt awaits. If all three bottom out, you don't have a life...The thing is, the buckets leak, so you have to refill them constantly."
"When was the last time you sat down and made a list of what makes you remarkable? Make a list of your strengths and keep it where you can see them. If you don't constantly remind yourself of what you're capable of, your negative thoughts will have enough power to take you down...But knowing what you excel at, you can optimize yourself to master those great traits. It's about bringing out the best in yourself."
Identify your challenges and explore ways in which to overcome them. By refraining from resorting to blaming or justifying, but choosing instead to take responsibility, we clear the path to continue moving forwards, despite our challenges.
We could also get out of our own way by learning how to create new habits and how to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
Our minds are not always on our side. They're genetically wired for survival, so they're always poised on high alert, ready to resist anything new or different. We need to retrain them.
"Learning how to get out of your own way includes overcoming a fear of comparison." Living in a world that's dominated by social media, it's easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves with others who seem to have more and do more, thus feeling as if we're not good enough. We often forget to take into consideration the struggles, disappointments, delays and failures that are seldom shared in public.
So many people hold themselves hostage by waiting for the perfect time or perfect conditions. Perfection is an illusion. By failing to make a start, we stand in our own way. This is a good time to ask, "What am I afraid of?"
Self-sabotage or self-handicapping is a way of protecting our self-esteem and our self-image. The most effective way to overcome it, is to write our fears down. Then we feel a greater sense of control and can find a way to overcome them.
To get out of our own way, we need to have a burning desire to achieve our goal, gather our resources, find someone to support us and steadfastly believe that it will occur.
"By celebrating your small wins along the way, the motivation and excitement of success will help you get out of your way."
What if we were to remind ourselves that success is not linear, that life consists of periods of difficulties, that setbacks are opportunities to do things differently, that breakthroughs can take place during our daily routines and that when we feel overwhelmed, we need to take a break.
"As long as you choose to stay stuck on past failures and cling onto old narratives as 'the way it is,' things will never change. Until you really want to let go of the past, it will linger in front of your eyes forever. This is no way to move forward in life and to reach your fullest potential. "
"You are where you are today as a result of millions of tiny (and big) choices that you made. You have the power to be your best friend or your worst enemy."
"If someone offers you a new idea about how to change, heal or grow, instead of shooting it down and saying why it won't work, what if you were to consider that it could?"
It might just turn out to be the most effective way in which to close the gap, between where you are now and where you have been yearning to be.
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> The Greatest Love of All > The Risks Attached to Living on Autopilot and How to Convert our Stumbling Blocks into Stepping Stones > Closing The Gap |
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