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The Greatest Love of All
By Karen Vally on 20 Nov 2024
Learning to love ourselves may not be as easy as it sounds. The great news is that it is a skill that we can develop, in much the same way as we can learn how to become more confident.
"Self-love means that you have an appreciation, affinity and positive regard for yourself...it's closely related to self-esteem and self-compassion. When you have a strong sense of self-love, you understand your own value and treat yourself in a loving way. Without feeling positively towards ourselves, we may find it hard to feel motivated."
One of the best ways in which to love ourselves, is by building a life we love and surrounding ourselves with love. "Learning how to fall in love with yourself is essential to your own happiness, to your success in relationships and to the way in which you interact with the world. When you love yourself, you receive more love in return. When you exude confidence and joy, you'll attract others with the same zest for life. This improves the quality of your relationships, which improves your life. The cycle is clear. It all starts with falling in love with yourself."
"Stress and negativity are enemies of self-love. They can cause you to feel burnt out and alone, and they won't leave any room in your life for learning how to love yourself. "
How do we cultivate a sense of self-love and what are the benefits of doing so? Firstly, we need to get to know and understand ourselves better and one of the most effective ways to achieve that, is to work with a coach or mentor.
"Think of getting to know yourself like starting a new relationship...That sense of curious engagement is a great foundation for learning to love yourself. Take yourself on a date, start a journal or take up a new hobby. When you start spending time learning about yourself and what you love to do, you'll likely find yourself pretty darn lovable."
Embrace, accept and absorb compliments. Create daily self-care routines. Self-care and self-love are not the same thing but they are connected. By getting sufficient good quality sleep, drinking adequate amounts of water, eating healthily, exercising and having fun regularly, we feel good, have a more positive mindset, manage our emotions and challenges more effectively and are more productive.
Self-compassion, is a powerful way in which to deepen our self-love. When we choose to be understanding, accepting and forgiving in the face of a mistake or a failure, rather than harsh or critical, we build resilience and enhance our mental and emotional well-being.
How would you describe the nature of your self-talk? Tony Robbins reminds us that the way in which we talk to ourselves influences both our mood and our behaviour. Listen attentively to the way you talk to yourself, and when you notice yourself being excessively critical or harsh, use more encouraging words.
When did you last focus on your uniqueness? Celebrating our uniqueness is a powerful way in which to practise self-love.
When did you last make a list of your shining qualities and strengths?
One highly effective way in which to cultivate self-love, is to regularly feel grateful for the magnitude of our bodies and the systems within us that optimize our daily experiences.
Another crucial aspect of self-love, is developing the ability to set clear limits and boundaries. This aspect of self-care creates a sense of self-respect.
"We often think that saying yes to everything and always being willing to help is a virtue. Knowing when to say "no" is equally as important as learning when it is most appropriate to say "yes."
What are the benefits of self-love? Some of the benefits are lower levels of stress, a higher level of resilience, a willingness to take advantage of opportunities to learn and grow, a heightened sense of empathy, a well-developed level of self-efficacy and a deep sense of wisdom, understanding and discernment.
It is helpful, says Allana Cooks-Campbell, to be able to identify some of the warning signals that reveal a lack of self-love: perfectionism; a fear of failure; avoiding self-care; tolerating a toxic or abusive relationship; over-committing; comparing oneself with others; self-criticism; struggling to set and maintain clear boundaries; seeking the approval of others; self-sabotaging behaviour and a deep feeling of inadequacy.
"We develop self-love by getting to know ourselves, while we develop self- compassion by being gentle with ourselves. This process of self-knowledge and self-discovery is a large part of what it takes to fall in love with ourselves...Once we develop self-love, self-compassion comes much more easily."
Finding your purpose is the ultimate way to learn how to fall in love with yourself, says Tony Robbins. Having a purpose provides us with a reason to get out of bed every morning and makes us aware of being a part of something bigger than ourselves. To find your purpose you need to be completely honest with yourself. Dig deep. We all consist of many layers and we wear many masks.
Giving back is considered by many to be the ultimate purpose in life. It is also the secert to falling in love with ourselves. "When you truly believe that you are here for a reason, loving yourself comes naturally. Find your purpose and light a fire of self-love within you, and others will be attracted to the flames."
"Loving yourself has mental and physical health benefits...Find what self-love looks like for you. It'll take time, but you might just learn to appreciate a whole new side of yourself."
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