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Contrasts

By Karen Vally on 15 Dec 2024



Recently, I have been acutely aware that this time of the year is full of contrasts. It's a frenetic time for many people, as they focus on meeting deadlines, going away on holiday or preparing to celebrate Christmas. For others, it's a sad and lonely time. 

I had forgotten what it was like to feel sad at Christmas time, until recently when I reflected on how those friends who have recently lost loved ones, must be feeling. I recalled how shocked I was at receiving this unexpected news. During the last few weeks, I have reflected deeply on death, dying and how ill-prepared we often are, for the loss of our loved ones. It has reminded me of how, as human beings, we avoid talking about death.

Let's turn to its absolute contrast - Life. What if we were to live each day to the fullest, as if it were our last? One of my favourite quotes in the New Insights Life Coaching Program is, "Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. DO IT!! I say. Whatever it is that you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows."

One of my favourite contrast-evoking questions in Session 13 of the New Insights Life Coaching Program is, "What can you do now that you couldn't do before coaching?" Last week, I sent this question to one of my clients who completed the New Insights Life Coaching Program in November last year, and has subsequently had 13 mentoring sessions.

This was her response : "After coaching, I am now able to believe in myself and trust that I will be okay, no matter the challenges I face. This self-belief has allowed me to achieve things I once thought were impossible, like completing multiple courses that previously felt intimidating or out of reach. Coaching has also given me clarity about my values and goals, helping me align my actions with the person I want to become. I've gained the courage to take bold steps, such as starting a registered business and pursuing personal growth. Most importantly, I now feel resilient and optimistic, knowing that I have the tools and mindset to navigate life's transitions successfully."

"When we are saturated on one mode, the best response is not to unsaturate but rather to saturate ourselves with an even greater opposing positive."

In an interesting article for Forbes written by Brett Steenbarger, a clinical associate professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Science at SUNY Medical University in New York, he tells the story of three very stressed money managers with whom he once met, "The first undertook a program of meditation, the second hit the gym hard by engaging in a fast paced routine and the third, took time off and spent it at home, away from the trading screens, relaxing and spending time with his family. The first two bounced back remarkably quickly...In both cases, the willpower depleted by prolonged concentration and effort was replenished by a radical shift of mind, body and emotion...The third manager achieved a degree of relaxation, but not rejuvenation. He lowered his stress level, but didn't engage in the kind of special activities that generate reserves of energy and well-being."

To overcome a negative state, it is not enough, says Steenbarger, to achieve less of that negative. Instead, we must achieve a high level of contrasting positive. The above example demonstates the necessity of high levels of well-being to rebound from stress, rather than relying solely on normal relaxation and stress management.

"True joy lacks the wild ups and downs of an excitement-based life. It's a peaceful landscape, filled with peaceful thoughts and peaceful emotions. Indeed, it's so peaceful that, to our adrenaline-soaked culture, it looks rather plain. In fact, I like to think of it as the plains of peace."

"True contentment is a deep-seated sense of accepting who and where you are at any given moment. Too often, we get so entrenched in our busy lives that we don't even notice where we are now. When we finally come up for air, we focus more on where we were or where we want to be instead of where we are now."

"The radical appreciation of all life's experiences is a cornerstone of contentment. Contentment is the underlying acceptance of what it means to be human, an unconditional love for all life's experiences, without the need for anything more than what is here right now."

 

 



 

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