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The Lessons We LearnBy Karen Vally on 16 Jan 2025![]() Life does not come with a manual or a guide. It's challenging and it's unpredictable. But it's a great teacher if we're willing to learn. One of the greatest discoveries I made during my research on this topic, was that child psychology experts today aren't prioritizing material possessions or high status jobs for their children. More than anything else, they want them to grow up "to be kind, to know how to resolve conflict in healthy ways and to know that above all else, they are enough just the way they are." A lesson that I think we've all learnt, is that, "This too shall pass." How typical of human nature it is, to think that the difficult time we're currently going through, is going to last forever. Another is how effectively, "I can't," can be transformed into, "I can." How empowering it is, when we learn how to conquer our fear of failure, or performance anxiety. A few hours ago, I read an article by psychologist, Dr Rick Hanson, in which he described how nervous he was just before addressing his biggest audience ever. He had been sitting waiting his turn, ruminating about how he was going to perform, when he read something written by the Dalai Lama, which encouraged him to shift his focus away from himself, and onto his audience. He received a standing ovation for that presentation. We forget that the most powerful antidote to fear, doubt, worry or panic is to recall our successes, the times when we have overcome challenges, many of them far more formidable that the one we might currently be facing. Another helpful strategy, is curiosity. "Who could help me?" How soon that sense of panic would fade, when we realize that an effective solution often lies closer than we think. A fascinating aspect of research that has been done on lessons we learn, is that young people feel embarassed about many of their actions, whereas old people regret actions they didn't take. Further research undertaken amongst large numbers of old people, revealed the futility of worry. In her article, "Life's Lessons Are Everywhere if You Know Where to Look," Beverley D. Flaxington draws on boxing to describe the Three P's of life : Patience, Pace and Persistence. What a useful metaphor to illuminate the benefits of applying these three lessons to our daily lives. Other worthwhile life lessons that I came across were, the benefits of spontaneity, that change demands steadfast commitment and that we should "zig when the world zags." Douglas Kenrick recommended learning not to overract, to either favourable or unfavourable events. Another writer promoted learning to take charge of our time and to respect our future selves. Then there are the lessons that, according to Laura Santospirito, are worth learning before it is too late : gratitude; the Law of Attraction; always being well prepared; refraining from feeling guilty about relaxing; not comparing your journey to anyone else's; embracing rather than resisting change; taking charge of your destiny; prioritizing your health and happiness; refraining from allowing others to influence your mood and being "unapologetically you." "When you look back, you'll find that much of your life turned out differently from your plan. Random encounters shape your life a bit. There are always setbacks. You need to be open to the fact that anything can happen...Expecting the unexpected allows you to weather life's storms without breaking." "One of the great things about being a perpetual student of life, is that if you are open to learning, you can find lessons everywhere." |
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